Breastfeeding Update

In two very short weeks, my little guy will be 6 months.  6 MONTHS!  I can't believe it, partly because him being six months means that time is flying by and Desmond will be walking and talking and rebelling in no time and partly because it means I'm that much closer to the big 3-0.  (Just out of curiosity, how many women my age out there really feel their age?  I seriously feel like I'm 24 or 25.  I look in the mirror and, besides the gray hairs, a growing bald spot, and starting-to-sag boobs, I think I look like I'm in my mid-20s.  It's probably a product of the phenomenon that occurs when you see a person every day and don't notice that they're getting older-fatter-grayer versus when you see a person once every few months and notice that they've dropped a few pounds, etc.)

Anyhow, I spent a considerable amount of time writing about my experiences with breastfeeding.  To summarize, I spent the majority of my pregnancy reading up on the benefits of breastfeeding and was 100% committed to exclusively breastfeeding Desmond for at least 6 months, if not longer.  I would skip the "problems" section of pregnancy and breastfeeding books because I was POSITIVE that I wouldn't have any problems whatsoever.  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Taught myself a big, fat lesson on the benefits of being completely prepared to face serious consequences.  From about day 4 or 5, I had pain while breastfeeding.  Looking back now, I know it was because Desmond had a craptastic latch.  It made my nipples crack and I had to wear a nipple shield.  On top of that, I had issues with oversupply and block fed him for way longer than I should have.  Combined with the nipple shield, this managed to decrease my milk supply so much so that Desmond was eating every 1.5-2 hours and getting frustrated enough that he would pull off before I had my second letdown.  Which led to a very underweight Desmond.

 Beautiful picture taken by Jack Allred.  Des was only 6 weeks here, but you could see how tiny he was (and still is).

But, I stuck with it, doing whatever I could to exclusively breastfeed him until 6 months.  Each passing day, I would give myself a pep talk: "You've done it for 14 weeks.  Do it for one more week.  Just 7 little days.  No big deal."  Billy was so supportive.  He helped motivate me to breastfeed and pump in between.  He would take Desmond in the mornings and at night and distract him enough to go past 2 hours in between feedings, so that I could have enough milk to give him.  I was on Mothering.com's online breastfeeding support forum weekly, Christy spent a lot of time writing back and forth with me about my concerns, my SIL shared some of her milk with me, and other fellow moms gave me their suggestions.  Without them, I don't think Desmond would have done as well.  I can't begin to underscore how important it is to surround yourself with people who will support you with your breastfeeding goals and those who are going through similar situations.  It is imperative if you have breastfeeding issues and want to continue exclusively breastfeeding.  CNN posted an article, "Desperate breastfeeding moms reveal secrets," about breastfeeding troubles women have.  I was happy to see it out there in the mainstream media because it's nice to put faces on issues you may be struggling with. 

So far, he has gained a considerable amount of weight.  He's still below average, but definitely above the 1st percentile.  Now that I'm back at school, I need to be vigilant about pumping enough so that my milk supply doesn't drop again.  I've had a few people ask me how I felt about breastfeeding after going through so many rough patches.  In the beginning, I hated breastfeeding.  I dreaded it.  I remember my mother or Billy bringing Desmond in as I was recovering from the delivery at home and just breaking out into tears.  I hesitate to post this picture up because I truly believe that breastfeeding is one of the best things that you could do for your infants and a fantastic way (abeit not the only way) to become closer to your baby.  However, I also want women to know that breastfeeding is an ART that needs to be learned; it hardly comes naturally to many women.  Educate yourself before and get support during breastfeeding.  You don't have to go through any of the pain that I went through.  I hope that this picture can show women that although it's hard at first, you will get through it and it will be a beautiful thing in the end.  (P.S. Although the entire breast isn't shown, I am in my very matronly nursing bra.  Shows about as much as a skimpy bikini would.  Just to warn you...)

Desmond was 5 days old in this picture. 

During one of my worst days, a woman that I had worked for for a project told me that she had felt the same way, but that by 4 or 5 months, she looked forward to nursing her son.  Nursing him was a treasured time that she could spend alone with him.  And you know what?  Same exact thing happened to me.  About a month and a half ago, I started looking forward to our sessions together.  My favorite times are later in the evenings, after Des has fallen asleep, when he wakes up.  I come into the bedroom and see him propped up on his arms looking around for me.  I climb into bed and as soon as I pick him up, he's looking at me, making an urgent "huh huh huh" noise (it's his way of getting excited for me to pick him up and feed him).  As soon as he starts nursing, he looks up at me and grabs my finger, caressing it the whole time he nurses.  And then it's just me and him in the whole wide world and nothing has ever come close to filling my heart like that.

 "LUNCH!" is what he's thinking.  Look at the gleam in his eye.

But then I go to sleep.  And it only lasts 2 hours, 2.5 if I'm lucky.  And he's up again.

They say that once you're a parent, you'll never ever get a decent night's sleep again.  So true: if it's not waking up several times a night, it's sitting up worried about your teenager, or worried about the quality of life for your children as adults.  It's no wonder that so many parents get addicted to sleeping pills.  More about the realities of sleeping as a parent in another post...