Post-delivery stuff I wish I had known when I got pregnant

You will have to wear pads.  For weeks.  So, it's like revisiting 1992 all over again (most girls who start their periods start off with pads and move up to tampons).  I remember the first time I got my period I was 11 years old and I was in class at my Catholic school.  Alex Jurado, who was sitting right behind me, said, "hey, you got a ketchup stain on your shirt".  (In Catholic school, we wore our PE clothes underneath our uniforms.  On PE days, we'd take off our jumpers and shirts and hang them off the back of our chairs in the classroom.  Unfortunately, I was sitting on my bright yellow shirt when my period decided to pay its little visit.  Thank God for Alex Jurado's tact in telling me, surreptitiously, that I had started menstruating.  I'll always be thankful to him for that :)).  Mrs. Brown, our teacher, sent me down to Sister Carol, our principal's, office.  They handed me a pad that was like 2 ft long, told me to put it on, and then had me lie down to wait for my mom.  Wearing a pad now brings back all those awful memories.

The first pads they give you at the hospital are called "pads" but are really diapers.  All that's missing are the side tabs to attach them to each other.  They also make you wear these mesh panties that look cute when you hold them up, but are built to stretch and cover every inch of your bottom while showing every dimple of cellulite you accumulated during your 9 month haul of "eating for two."  This is not a pretty sight.  I would make Billy close his eyes every time I got up to go to the bathroom to pee.

Not that this isn't bad enough, but this model is like a size 2.  Imagine this on someone who gained 20+ lbs and who, after having a stomach stretched to all imagination, has a hanging skin pouch for an abdomen...Scary, scary, scary.  

Breastfeeding hurts (me).  It's not supposed to, but I may have something that Christy refers to as "rusty pipe syndrome," meaning that my mammary glands and milk ducts aren't used to being opened up.  When I breastfeed, it feels like pins and needles are pushing through my breasts and it emanates all the way up to my armpits.   I know that sometimes breastfeeding can make your breasts a little tender at the beginning, but this is crazy.  It may have something to do with the fact that I had a breast reduction, but I'm not sure.  Breastfeeding also helps to contract the uterus and, although it's good for me in the long run, it's not exactly the best feeling in the world.  As your uterus is contracting back down to size, the contractions feel almost like labor pains.  

I've been bleeding nonstop for 8 days.  I'm not wearing the diapers anymore, but I'm still having to wear pads day in and day out.  Here's a tip: Soak the pads in witch hazel and store them in the fridge.  They'll feel AMAZING when you have to put them on. 

Also, don't bother bringing your own clothes to the hospital with you (except your going home outfit).  Wear the hospital gown they give you because you will stain whatever article of clothing you're wearing.  Also, don't bring any of your pre-pregnancy clothes to wear on the way home.  Scratch that, don't bring anything you wore early pregnancy for the way home.  Stick with the big stretchy pants you were wearing the week before.  You'll be so puffy down there, you'll be glad for the extra room.  I wore a stretchy skirt for my trip home.

Take everything they give you at the hospital: epi-foam cream (to decrease swelling), witch hazel pads, pads, those absorbent cloths that you could put in your bed, baby booger-suckers, etc.  Give away to a charity (I gave my leftover bag to the St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Relief Society) what you don't need at the end. 

You WILL look about 4-5 months pregnant once you get home.  You're gonna have to get over it.  I'm actually taking it quite well.  I haven't been this svelte in months!  Additionally, it's so nice to have skin-to-skin contact with Desmond and the fact that I have a little extra here and there means that it will be a nice, warm, SOFT place for him to cuddle up next to.