An Open Letter to Desmond: Week 3

Dear Des:

You have gained over a pound since you've been born. That is the equivalent of me gaining 27 pounds. You are still pretty scrawny, though, and have calf muscles the size of little marbles. You're actually pretty strong, though! You can almost pull your body up from a sleep position, and you can lift your head for a few seconds at a time (this one still surprises you). Your mom is getting distressed that you don't look much like her. You have started staying up for most of the night, and when you sleep, you emit little whimpers every once in a while. Your mom is really sensitive to this, but I'm not, so everyone usually gets the best sleep at night if you sleep near me. You really like to curl up in a little ball and sleep on your mom or dad's chest.

Your Aunt Kseniya bought you your first book this week! It is called "Disappearing Desmond" and I'm going to read it to you as many times in a row as you can handle (in a couple years). You have a lot of bright pictures near your changing table, but your favorite is this one:



Sometimes we let you gaze at it for 15 minutes at a time. You're a pretty laid back kid, but you have bouts of crying that will last for a long time. You scrunch up your face, open your mouth, and screeeaaaam for as long as your little lungs will allow. Towards the end of your scream, your tongue stops vibrating and your scream fizzles out into a low growl. Then you take a big breath and start again.

Here are the things that we try to help you stop screaming that you don't respond to:

*Swaddling
*Classical music
*Aggressive pats on your back
*Bouncing
*Lying down
*Getting licked by Pirate
*America's Got Talent/Nick Cannon
*Soothing
*Reassurance
*Hugs/kisses
*Swinging
*Bright colored toys
*Logic/Reason
*Your dad laughing at the futility of trying to help you

Here are some things that you do respond to in these situations:

*Boobies
*A forceful pinky finger in your mouth
*Your new "binky"
*Taking an enormous poop in your diaper (This enormous poop will then be sprayed all over the bathroom by your dad, who hasn't gotten the hang of the water pressure on the poop sprayer.)

Here are some things we haven't tried yet:

*Vigorous shaking
*Yelling
*Smothering
*Better logic/reason

Okay, we promise to never do those last ones.

Ramblings this week:

"Desmond, huh? I really like that name."
-Tony, after returning from Australia and learning of your birth.

"Hey, my little lizard-monkey man."
-Scarlett, developing a nickname based on your facial expression/general appearance.

"[purring sounds]"
-Your Abuelita Frances, every time she picks you up.

"Check out the handsome baby. Who is that handsome baby?"
-Me to you, at least 5 times a day when I hold you in front of the mirror after changing your diaper.

"[hiccup souds]"
-You, about 6 times a day. The hiccups scared the shit out of you the first time you got them, but now you handle them like a pro.