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I finally understand what all the fuss was about. Itty bitty newborn babies have their own weird time clocks where day and night meld into one and they sleep and eat whenever their little bodies tell them to. What that means is that a newborn baby (I'm only speaking from my experience as a very inexperienced mother to an exclusively breastfed baby) will spend most of your waking hours sleeping, waking up only to eat or if it's physically uncomfortable in some way. They have no circadian rhythm yet, so they may think that night is day and vice versa. Their sleep patterns are different than ours and their stomachs are capable of holding only a few ounces of fluid at a time, which is digested very quickly (less quickly if the fluid is formula). In essence, they have NO ROUTINE.
So, whenever Desmond wanted to sleep, I let him sleep. Whenever he wanted to eat, I let him eat. And I rearranged my life to fit his schedule. This was hard. Very hard. I was used to doing my own thing at my own time since I was 18. Having a baby usurp my sleep, eating, and every other physical and mental needs was difficult for me. One of the best pieces of advice (advice that I follow to this day) is to sleep when your baby sleeps. When Desmond was just a few days old, I was adamant that this little person was not going to upend my entire life. As soon as he was asleep, I set about to return emails, do work, make some phone calls, etc. I would even take him out grocery shopping or sightseeing (my mother was still in town). She would reprimand me and tell me that in her day, women stayed at home for 40 days after the birth (equivalent to the 6 weeks postpartum when you have your first postpartum checkup...the time needed to heal, physically and psychologically, from childbirth). But I couldn't (or wouldn't) let Desmond dictate my days for me. Looking back after 5 months of crappy sleep, I wish I would've taken that advice and slept as much as I could with Desmond.
I started taking naps with him when he was about 2.5-3 months old. Night feedings were approximately 2-2.5 hours apart (which meant that I only slept for 1.75-2 hours at a time) and carrying him around and interacting with him during the day meant that by nightfall, I was worn out. So, I started napping with him to catch up on my sleep. And as I did so, I realized that there was somewhat of a routine emerging. Desmond would wake up at around 8am (I believe he would sleep a little bit longer if we had those awesome hotel drapes. You know the ones...the total light blockers. I told Billy we should get some for our room, but I think he doesn't believe my theory) and hang out for a few hours until 10 or so when he would take a 1-1.5 hour nap. He would then be up for a few more hours and have a big nap at around 2 or 3 and a final (smaller) nap at around 6 or 7. He would finally go to sleep at around 10 or 11 (sleep means that he would sleep and then wake up to eat but go right back to sleep.) The first time we put him down for sleep, he would usually go 3 hours, which allows me to have enough milk to pump, but after that, it's up every 2 hours.
I liken Desmond's routine issues with the issues people have on long vacations. For example, let's say you book a trip to South America (Colombia, to be exact) for 4 weeks next spring. You're super excited to go because of the food and the sights and the people and the music (and I can go on and on). You get there and the first week, week and a half are jam packed with sightseeing and eating all sorts of new food (sancocho, bandeja paisa, ajiaco, etc). You go to bed every night exhausted and excited for what's to come the next day. As soon as you enter week 2, you start realizing that you miss putting your clothes in your drawers or hanging them in a closet. You miss your regular Aveda shampoo and your regular toothbrush (to save space, you're using the 3oz pantene pro-v shampoo and the travel toothbrush with the see-through plastic handle and the hard bristles that make your gums bleed). You miss being able to get up, grab a drink out of your fridge, and plop down on your couch and watch whatever YOU want to watch in English. You wake up each morning with a sore back and hips because the beds and pillows in Colombia are as hard as boards (it's good for your back, they say). At the end of the 4th week, you crave the routine you had in your own house and can't wait to go home, go to bed, wake up (even if it is to go to work), and do things the way you're used to doing them. I think this is how babies get, except that 4 weeks is usually just a few days with infants.
Holidays are notoriously hard on infants: extra music, lights, hands, faces, and arms and strange beds, cribs, dogs, and smells all make a baby a little bit more stressed than usual. Desmond likes his napping and eating to be on a schedule. Anything else is up for grabs. He doesn't like being at home all day. I'm convinced he gets cabin fever. He loves seeing new things: it doesn't even have to be baby-friendly things. I'm sure he could watch a car pull out of a driveway and be just as fascinated as if he were watching a cartoon.
Napping during a reading of David Sedaris' works at KUER's 50th Anniversary party. Billy's parents are in the back.
Des enjoyed watching and listening to Los Lobos.
However, we have to make sure that we could feed him every 2-3 hours and we have to make sure that wherever we are or wherever we go, we have access to a flat surface (he used to do so well in the sling and the bjorn. He would fall asleep almost immediately. Most of the time now, he fusses until he's put in a horizontal position). We've found that keeping him to a napping routine means he sleeps better at night and is less fussy throughout the day. We never force a nap or force him to sleep after crying it out. If he's not sleepy, then the nap just gets pushed further. During the holidays, since so many people wanted to see him and hold him, he would miss his naps and get really irritable. On one day, he was so overstimulated (it can happen...think about how your eyes feel after hours spent on the computer), that he took like 4 or 5 naps! That night, he woke up every hour, meaning I slept for 45-minute-long stretches.
We've had to learn how to really read his tired cues. Although I'll never understand why they can't just lie down and close their eyes, babies, when they're overly tired, have a hard time falling asleep. They will fuss and fuss until you do something (shushing, bouncing, walking around with them) to help them fall asleep. We like to avoid that as much as possible. So, if Des exhibits the sleepy cues (rubbing eyes, etc) we put him down to sleep. We give him a couple of pats on the butt, turn on the noise machine (if we have access to it) and try to let him fall asleep on his own.
Naptime makes my little man happy. A good napping routine means a better sleeping experience at night. Plus, napping helps mom become a more productive member of society. It's true! Siestas increase brain productivity. So, raise your eyemasks to the routine of napping everyday. It's a stress relief for young and old alike.
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