Sad (and funny) but true

So, the other day I was napping with Desmond while Billy worked on his Business school essays (bane of our existence by the way.  Another bane of our existence is Pirate who, when I stepped out to walk Desmond up and down the driveway, took the opportunity to pee all over our bed...again).  I woke up before Desmond and decided that it was a good time to try to sneak off and take a shower.  I undressed and started the shower when I hear Desmond start fussing.  I went into the bedroom and picked him up.  He turned his head from side to side and started wailing.  I guess his wriggling and crying stimulated my let down reflex (the tingly feeling you get when your milk "lets down" and starts flowing (aka leaking)) and, before I know it, I could feel breastmilk leaking down my stomach and thighs.  I run towards the office buck naked holding Desmond out in front of me while breastmilk squirts out all over me and onto the floor.  Billy looks at me with a half-smile on his face kind of confused at the whole sight of me.  He grabs Desmond and realizes what's been happening and starts laughing.  I run back into the bathroom and jump into the shower.

A few days later, I was sitting on the bed after feeding Desmond.  I sneezed and handed Desmond off to Billy to burp him.  I got up to go to the bathroom and Billy points to where I was sitting and says, "what's that?"  I look over and see a dark circle.  "Dammit!"  I peed my pants when I sneezed.  Usually, when I sneeze, I pee my pants a LITTLE.  But this was more than a little.  And I didn't even notice that it was more than a little.  I'm turning into my mother, who, when I was little, would pee her pants at the mere giggle of a joke.  My poor bladder.  I can't believe I have to deal with issues of incontinence. 

Yesterday, I had my first postpartum checkup where I had a pap smear (piece of cake now) and the Mirena (an IUD) inserted.  I chose the Mirena as a method of family planning because it releases small amounts of hormone to build up mucus in my cervix (blocking the passage of sperm) and makes my endometrial lining thinner, making implantation, if it happens, which is very unlikely, harder.  Anyhow, she had all of these tools out on the counter and said that she probably wouldn't need to use them, but if the opening of the cervix is too tight, she may have to.  She inserted the probe into my cervix EASILY.  I felt kind of disappointed.  I wanted to be that one woman whose cervix after giving birth was amazingly like a non-mom cervix.  I told this to Billy and he didn't seem to understand why it was such a big deal to me.  I told him that from now on, any gynecologist would know that I had given birth and that kind of bugged me.  Does that make sense? 

I surprise myself with all of the crap that goes through my head.  Like out of all the things to worry about in my life, I'm really concerned with the state of my cervix.  I need to get over it :)