Pirate the pee fiend

I'm sure everyone knows by now that Billy and I have a little pug named Pirate.  We found him on Petfinder.com and the picture of him was really blurry, so we didn't really get to "see" him until we went in to buy him.  The description for him said they couldn't get a good picture because he wouldn't sit still.  We got him from a doggie shelter that was barely getting by: they had a million cats running around and the same amount of small dogs (maybe they kept the big dogs in the back) and everyone smells like dog and cat pee. 

Everybody that worked there were really sad to see him go.  They said he was the best cuddler in the whole place.  Did I also mention that he has only one eye?  We don't know what happened to his missing eye; the people who had him before us took him to the pound with his one eye almost falling out and said it happened in a car accident.  However, we don't believe it because he had no other injuries.  Having had him for about 5 months now, however, we know that he's a little rascal and has no appreciation of things that can cause bodily harm, so maybe it was his own little curiosity and "go get 'em, tiger!" attitude that caused his eye to become damaged.

Ok, so we love The Pirate.  We really do.  We love cuddling with him and he loves taking naps with his head on my stomach.  But man, oh, man...there are times when I can't even look at him I get so angry.  When we got Pirate, they said that he was housetrained.  He's NOT.  Now, there have been weeks where he'd have no accidents, but for the most part, he thinks that our things are his own private outhouse. 

He does have separation anxiety and that may contribute to his peeing and pooping in the house,  but I swear that he does it out of spite because we're leaving him alone.  His usual spots are the floor in the entryway and the floor by the couch.  The other day he peed right smack in the middle of the kitchen.  And, to make things worse, our house slants (because it's really old) and the pee ran down the middle of the floor toward the other wall.

Yesterday, he climbed on top of our glass coffee table (which he NEVER does if we're around) and peed ALL over my paychecks and my coffee table books, which included photo albums.  I couldn't believe it.  As we were cleaning, we commented on the lunacy of his actions and debated steps to take.  As we were talking, I mumbled about wishing that Pirate wouldn't be so spiteful when we left and Billy says, "I can't wait until we have a baby because it'll be so much easier to care for than Pirate."  This reminded me of what Jennifer had said to me a few weeks ago as I walked in the house while on the phone with her to find myself almost stepping in a big puddle of pee, "God, Scarlett, you're going to have your kid potty-trained before Pirate is."  True, true.

Today, he decided that the coffee table was a good place to pee...again.  I couldn't believe it!  The little rascal has no remorse :)  So, I spent my lunch hour cleaning up his bright yellow stinky pee.  

Pirate's on the right and Hanzo's on the left.  

I never thought having a dog would make me excited to have a baby.  After Pirate, I'll welcome changing my kid's diapers and dealing with vomit and pee in my face (if it's a boy).    Thanks, Pirate.  :)