The silence that occurs after someone has said or done something that leaves everyone who bore witness to the event speechless. In our case, the news of our pregnancy.
I'm definitely not. I don't understand the uproar about "lack of traditional family values" and the "degradation of the institution of marriage" in regards to gay relationships, marriage, and child rearing. Especially child rearing.
When I read about the UCLA study in the Journal of Pediatrics where researchers followed lesbian couples with children since 1986, I was thrilled! The verdict of the researchers: children raised in lesbian households were more socially and academically well-adjusted than children from traditional families. Shocking, right?
Not really. Although there is so much uproar over gay couples adopting/having kids, the fact of the matter is that any planned pregnancy, any wanted child, would be better taken care of and looked after, regardless whether it's two moms, two dads, or a heterosexual couple. I would much rather see a child in the hands of two loving lesbians than in the hands of a dysfunctional man and woman.
Overall, the study had a bit of some selection bias, since women who chose to participate did so through the use of fliers handed out at lesbian events, bookstores, and through the newspaper. Are these women who participated any different than other lesbian mothers? Also, I do believe that a traditional couple can very well be actively involved in the raising of their children and that some children raised by a heterosexual couple are indeed more well-adjusted than the children from lesbian families. However, this study shows that lesbian mothers shouldn't be denied the option to raise a family (either by adoption, surrogacy, or insemination) strictly based on their sexual orientation. If so, then maybe we should start limiting the procreative and adoption choices of certain heterosexual couples that don't fit the traditional family mold (unmarried couples, cohabitating couples, divorced unmarried couples, older couples, etc).
Keep things in perspective. A child needs only love, support, kindness, and respect in order to grow up to be an emotionally stable and socially responsible individual. Lesbian women do not lack this capacity, so why would anyone think their children would grow up to be social deviants or maladjusted teenagers? Hooray to all the moms and dads out there who are loving their children and responsibly raising their kids according to what they think is right no matter what public opinion says!
This one is for Lisa Mitchell. She has pleaded and pleaded with me to wear a bikini when I'm far enough along. This one's also for my friend Michele who is obsessed with seeing me wear a bathing suit when I'm at my "fattest" (we do call ourselves the Luscious Heifers).
Warning: these may be offensive to some people...The only obscenity is my large belly, but still, people may be offended and many will have recurring nightmares. If this sounds like it may happen to you, scroll quickly down to the next blog post. Sorry in advance.
In the comfort (AND PRIVACY) of our backyard.
I have one maternity bathing suit that Christy's given me (it's cute and covers much more than this one) that I intend to wear when we invite people over to our house for our kiddie pool barbecue party.
This looks more like the maternity bathing suit Christy gave me. Cute, eh?
A Doula. It's the term for women who are trained as a type of "labor coach." They provide physical and emotional support, primarily during labor, but do not provide any medically-based services. There have been several researchers (most notably Marshall Klaus and John Kennel) who have performed randomized clinical trials assessing the labor and birth outcomes for women who go through the laboring process with and without a doula. (OK, here comes the student geek in me!!!) Birthing with a doula has been shown to reduce C-section rates and reduced the need of epidural analgesics (McGrath S and Kennel J, Birth 2008); a doula, especially those that have breastfeeding training, increases the rates of breastfeeding immediately or within an hour after birth (Motti-Santiago J, et al., Matern Child Health J 2008); having a doula helps to reduce the amount of time spent in labor (particularly great since average length of labor for a primigravida (a woman with no prior pregnancies) is longer than for a multigravida) (Campbell D, et al., J Obstet Gynecol Neonatol Nurs 2006); and having a doula present during labor reduces the need for a forceps or vacuum extraction and augmentation with pitocin, as well as improving a woman's sense of wellbeing during and after the labor process (Scott K, et al., J Womens Health Gend Based Med 1999).
OK. Now that I've geeked out on PubMed, I'll get on with the story. Initially, Billy and I thought that we weren't going to need a doula. We were leery of the thought of a total stranger sort of "coaching" us into doing something that I thought would come very naturally to any woman. However, as I read more and more about how beneficial it was to have a doula support you at birth, I started looking into it. I asked a few friends for recommendations and I was advised to call up several doulas and make an appointment to interview them, since they tend to book up pretty quickly.
We looked at a very comprehensive list of doulas in Utah (http://www.utahdoulas.org/saltlake.html). We contacted about 7 of them and heard back from 5. We ended up interviewing 3 doulas (we narrowed down our list based on friends' recommendations, services offered, and prices). The first one we interviewed (we will NOT name any names...I'm sure she's super nice and very compatible with other women) was a total dud. She lacked any sort of confidence in what she was saying and was out of shape and looked incredibly tired (she told us she had 9 kids under the age of 22). Not that looks have anything to do with being a competent doula, but the fact that it seemed that I could probably outlast her during my labor isn't very heartening.
The second doula we interviewed was Tiffany Hickenlooper. She met us at the Tea Grotto (AMAZING place in Sugarhouse, by the way) and she bought us our drinks. She was very much an extrovert and looked like she loved being outdoors. I loved her philosophy on birthing and she's attended over 200 births, so she inspired a lot of confidence in me and Billy. (Christy, she says hi and that she's seen you on TV and is happy that you're doing well. She'd love to hear from you!)
We also met with April Gillespie. From the beginning, she showed such devotion and a lot of enthusiasm for being considered as our doula. She provided us with a lot of doula-related information and the services she offered were more comprehensive than any other doula we researched. She was also very budget friendly ($360 for the total package!). We hit it off right away. We have some of the same values and she's had 3 children: 1 was C-section, 1 was induced, and the last was a natural birth, so she has firsthand knowledge about medical and natural births.
Although we really liked Tiffany, we ended up contracting with April. She will provide us with prenatal classes, 2 general prenatal visits close to my due date, on-call status from 2 weeks before Nacho's born, labor support for as long as labor lasts, help with initiating breastfeeding after labor, and then 2 postpartum visits to see how the baby and I are doing. She has already provided us with articles and papers about birthing, medical interventions, and doulas in general. She also has offered to let us use her "fake" baby. You know the ones that some high schools use for those "at risk" girls? The "fake" babies that cry and log how many times and for how long they cried so that the instructor can see if you're going to be a neglectful parent? That one. I thought it may be a good idea for Billy to hang out with since he's never once changed a baby diaper in his life.
I also briefly thought about buying Billy this, until I saw the $649 price tag:
So, I'm excited to start the prenatal classes with April. We'll start doing all of the relaxation/birthing exercises that I'll use during labor. I'll have to keep you updated about the stuff I'm doing during my sessions (the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly).
Have you ever been to www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com? You should. It's fantastic. My family only took 1 set of professional family photos back in 1994. I was wearing knee highs with a skirt...Oh, the 90s :)
When we think of family photos, we think "How cheesy!" but those are the best types of family photos. They're the ones you can look back on with your significant other and, if you have thick skin, your kids and grandkids, who will laugh themselves silly at how stupid everyone looked.
Examples of great family photos include:
Billy and I plan to rival Brangelina and have 9 or 10 kids. We also plan to cut Billy's hair like this guy's.
We are definitely going to steal this idea from these guys once Nacho is born. Timeless!
Utah is the only place that I've ever seen where families all dress up alike in family photos. What gives? I mean, the 2 grandparents, the 8 kids and the 50 grandchildren all in matching jean shirts (yes, Sherrie, I'm talking about you :))
We're definitely going to enroll Nacho in the "Chippendales Training Program," just like his dad did when he was younger.
Why, oh WHY did we not think of this first? Although this couple chose the swamp for their pregnancy shot, we've got a much better locale: the marshes out by the airport.
If we would've waited 3 more months to get knocked up, we totally could've done this for our pregnancy posh photo shoot. We'll save this for next time!
Finally, what is a great family picture without Jesus in it? Once Nacho is little older, we could take him to Kay Paintings here in Salt Lake City and they will paint him chillin' with a very frat-boy-looking-bro-ish Jesus:
I can't wait until Nacho graduates from high school: Off to Olan Mills Glamour Studios we'll go!
I have a love/hate relationship with my breasts. I love them because I think they're fascinating (I am an autotroph! Kind of.) I hate them because the last 14 years of my life, I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm a "top-heavy" girl. Growing up as a ballet dancer didn't help my breast self-esteem either. Anyhow, I'm kind of excited to see what they'll look like after all is said and done regarding feeding and nurturing Nacho (and any way-in-the-future other kids). If they look like this after I'm done breastfeeding:
In all honesty, when this popped up on my google reader, I laughed and thought "really?!?!" But the more I think about it, the more I want it! I can't stand the way it feels when my breasts touch each other, when they touch my belly, and when my gut rests on my thighs when I sit. I always have to tuck my shirt under or in between my boobs and underneath my belly. Since I have to sleep on my side at night, my poor boobies are always pretty smashed:
Needless to say, it is very uncomfortable. I usually use Monster Pillow to separate my boobs at night when I cuddle up next to it. But maybe post-pregnancy, I'd have to invest in one of these or, better yet, make one!
I've been doing yoga pretty regularly for about 5 years now. I was taking 2-3 classes a week, I felt great, I had gained some of the flexibility that I lost immediately after graduating college, and I was strong. I could seriously do this pose without even thinking about it:
Crow Pose
Last fall semester was tough for me to keep up with my exercising: I went to my first public health conference, I finished my master's thesis, I was taking a buttload of classes, and we moved into a new house. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I made it a point to try to exercise a lot, but I didn't. I was still "too busy." It wasn't until March that I started taking the prenatal yoga class at Avenues Yoga. It was wonderful! Relaxing but sort of strenuous! I definitely built up a sweat in class.
Prenatal yoga isn't easy. It's a modified form of regular yoga that focuses on stretching your back, strengthening your legs (we do lots of squats and lunge poses), and hip-opening exercises (like pigeon pose, my favorite!). Any position on all fours helps to "push" the baby into the ideal position: head down, facing backwards. It also helps you get "centered," a fancy way of saying that you focus on one thing at one time, usually your breathing, and let that flow through the poses (during labor, maintaining control of your breath and feeling relaxed is of the utmost importance! You don't want to cut off oxygen to your baby by being too tense!)
Anyhow, I'm not the yogini I used to be. The last prenatal class I took had me sweating bullets 15 minutes into the "modified-for-big-bellies" sun salutations. I swear I was the only one struggling in class. Nobody was sweating like I was. I felt so gross. I seriously dripped sweat onto my mat in downward dog :( Furthermore, my range of motion is limited and any small, wrong movement can bring upon the most intense twinges of pain in my back.
Warrior pose: Faking it like I would in class.
What it feels like right after I fake it.
Regardless, after every class, I feel a little stronger and a little more capable. I can't wait until this baby is born strictly so I can sleep on my stomach again and so that I can do any yoga move that requires time on my belly or any scrunching of my abdomen.
My friend Jennifer, a life-long vegetarian and animal rights advocate, just started her own company: Mission Savvy (check it out at www.missionsavvy.com). She sells beautiful clothes that raise awareness about animal rights issues.
www.missionsavvy.com
The clothes are also eco-friendly (and expensive for financially strapped people like me...but I'm hoping my 10 year friendship with Jennifer will somehow materialize into this for my birthday next year (when I could actually fit into it). Please, Jen?)
I never knew that she was into the whole "green" movement, but it seems like a perfect fit for her.
Anyhow, it got me thinking about what I can do to make Little Nacho a "green" baby. We want to be committed to making Nacho's home environment as natural and as healthy as possible. There is so much in food (pesticides), toys (lead, cadmium), cleaning products (hormone disruptors), and furniture (formaldehyde) that we don't notice. Now, don't get me wrong, I've grown up around Windex my whole entire life (my mother is a lifelong fan) and she used all the latest and greatest products and it didn't seem to affect me. I'm alright, right? Right??? But, you never know. I could've been 5'5" tall instead of a 5'3" and maybe increased my ACT score by a few points. Who knows.
I've been reading lots of crunchy books and magazines and have come to the realization that there is a whole world of eco-friendly products out there beyond my local Whole Foods store. But guess what. They're expensive. Ridiculously, beyond-the-budget-of-a-full-time-grad-student-living-on-the-good-graces-of-her-boyfriend's-much-larger-salary, atrociously expensive. I mean, sometimes organic stuff costs almost twice as much as regular stuff (regular gerber onesies pack ranges from $6.99 to $9.99 while gerber organic onesies pack ranges from $8.99 to $12.99. Imagine what the price difference on bigger purchase items will be!).
However, not all hope is lost. Living green can certainly be cheaper (and quite possibly easier) than not doing so! For example, Billy and I have made the decision to cloth diaper our babies. What drove us to do that was our finances. We looked at the cost of buying diapers over the course of a baby's infancy and toddlerhood and were appalled. My friend Christy was the first person I'd ever met who cloth diapers her kids. I never knew there were so many families out there who did this. I thought disposables were the only thing out there. I had always grown up picturing myself as a baby in Pampers. However, when I told my mom were going to use cloth diapers (and as I waited for her to question why I decided to do so), she said, Great! I'm a pro. You used to wear cloth diapers. Imagine that.
Anyhow, cloth diapers are expensive to buy. And there's a whole slew of different types of cloth diapers:
Pocket Diapers: Have a waterproof outerlayer and a stay-dry inner layer with a pocket to put in extra stuffing (absorbent inner). Downside, you have to wash the whole thing after each use.
These are a type of all-in-one diapers: they have a waterproof outer, a one-piece inner, and an absorbent insert. Upside: Unless baby has a poop/major blowout, can reuse the outer part and just put in a new inner absorbent layer.
We're considering BumGenius and FuzziBunz diapers. So, for a pack of 6 BumGenius organic diapers, it costs about $135.00. I know. Heart attack. However, we plan to buy 12 of these (along with extra inserts which are much cheaper) to start off with (along with just a few of the organic newborn disposables). If we love them, we'll augment our stash with gently used diapers from www.myuseddiapers.com, www.diaperswappers.com, and the used section of http://diaperdaisy.com. That's about $400 or so in diapering stuff. But consider that on Amazon right now, Seventh Generation diapers cost $0.22 a diaper. If you change a baby's diaper 7 times a day, that's $43.12 a month, which is $517 a year! So, in less than one year, you've recouped your money's worth in disposables. Plus, if you wanna have another kid, you can reuse them without any of the startup costs! Also, cloth diapering your baby reduces the chances of getting diaper rash and reduces the amount of time Little Nacho's private parts are touching plastic and dioxins (a carcinogen).
But Scarlett, what about WASHING them and all the poop and pee! It's not that bad. We're going to buy a little spray that attaches to the toilet to spray off any solids into the toiletbowl. Then we throw them into a pail and do the laundry. Easy Peasy. And the covers are all brightly colored and adorable. You can even get some with patterns on it.
Anyhow, we're currently transitioning to using all natural products for cleaning in our house. For some things, like dishwashing and laundry, we will have to buy eco-friendly products. But, for such things like window or kitchen cleaners, we'll make our own! My mother always said using vinegar water and newspaper was the best way to clean windows and mirrors. Things such as vinegar, baking soda, and lemon are great to use while cleaning. There are several websites out there that give you recipes for making your own cleaner at home.
Our house is also really, really old. We just put in the swamp cooler (for those of you non-desert folk, it's like an air conditioning unit, but instead, it passes the air over water and cools it and humidifies and cools your house) that's maybe 30 years old. Billy cleaned it and put in natural aspen cooler pads. I still worry about the air quality of the house, so part of our "greening-up" is buying plants that help detoxify the air.
English Ivy
Spider Plant
Dwarf Date Palm
I've been using Aveda products for my hair and some of their makeup products and I really like them. However, Aubrey organics (www.aubrey-organics.com) make fabulous products and their website is fantastic! For baby, we plan to purchase body products from www.californiababy.com and www.usa.weleda.com.
After all of the scare of lead in the paint being used on some child toys, we decided to go back to the basics and buy Little Nacho quality, long-lasting toys that can be cherished for several years. These generally do not include lots of plastic and are probably not battery-operated. I'm not against buying Nacho anything with batteries or made out of plastic (God knows my most favorite toys when I were little were the glow worm and cabbage patch), but we'd like for him to use his imagination and learn from his toys instead of being fixated on a computer screen or the TV for the majority of the day. Websites I've loved so far are www.peacetoys.com, www.babybunz.com, and www.naturalplay.com.
Finally, we've been VERY lucky to have been given lots of lovingly used baby clothing and gear (thanks, Christy and Heather!). I just picked up 4 garbage bags full of infant clothing, a bath sling for Nacho, a Boppy cover, and tons of other stuff. I mean, that's hundreds of dollars saved in baby clothing alone! Most of my maternity clothes was passed down to me from wonderful women that I know and I plan to do the same. It makes me feel great knowing that I don't have to contribute to the baby industry any more than I HAVE to.
Melanie, let's talk about some sort of baby hand-me-down/share system, since Nacho and Little Nico will be twinning it up for the rest of their lives (for those of you who don't know, Melanie is my sister-in-law who is almost 27 weeks pregnant...5 weeks behind me).
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