Dharma Mama

That's what my friend (and awesome professor) Christy called me while I was wearing this:

Billy got me this shirt from www.cafepress.com.  It's the awesomest thing I own, except Nacho, of course. 

For those of you who are (sadly) clueless, the symbol on the shirt is that of the Dharma Initiative from Lost:

We're huge Lost fans, so, this shirt makes me very happy.  It's like the equivalent of wearing your favorite (basketball, football, soccer) player's jersey on game day.  Just 5 more episodes left...so, so, so sad...

Breastfeeding saves lives!

Great, great article from TheFeministBreeder:

Every single time a new study is published proving that formula feeding costs the lives of mothers and babies, people come from the farthest corners of the internet, flame throwers in tow, to argue with the research.  But no amount of denial is going to change the truth.  This week the Journal of Pediatrics published some very serious new findings indicating that 911 babies in America die every year from not being breastfed.  Usually when we talk about infant deaths related to formula feeding, people assume it’s in other, impoverished countries where there’s no running water and rampant disease.  But this time, we’re talking about the deaths of American babies.
So what’s going on right here on our own soil?  We have clean water.  We have a welfare program.  We have free vaccinations.  It is clear now that the formula itself, and the lack of breastfeeding, is what’s killing these 911 babies.  Okay, so how are they dying?  As CNN reports,

“Nearly all, 95 percent of these deaths, are attributed to three causes: sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS); necrotizing enterocolitis, seen primarily in preterm babies and in which the lining of the intestinal wall dies; and lower respiratory infections such as pneumonia.  Breastfeeding has been shown to reduce the risk of all of these and seven other illnesses studied by the study authors.”

And for those Americans only interested in the bottom line, it should be noted that the same study found that if we can get 90% of mothers breastfeeding for the minimum amount of time recommended, then we’d save 13 billion dollars a year in medical costs.  (that’s BILLION, with a B, people.)
So what the hell is the problem, then?  Why can’t we get on board with this research?  The problem is that people don’t want to hear it.  But I’ll say it anyway.

Breastfeeding. Saves. Lives.

You know what else saves lives?  Car seats.  So, why aren’t people spitting mad at the NHTSA for saying that?  Why aren’t they leaving thousands of comments on car seat articles saying “But I just couldn’t afford a car seat, why are you trying to make me feel guilty?!?!” Well, maybe it’s because our society will admit that car seats save lives, and we’re willing to give them out free at fire stations and hospitals if we have to because it is that important.


So why aren’t we doing the same for breastfeeding? Why won’t they hand out free breast pumps and visits to a lactation consultant when we know it would save lives and money?  Well, I think the obvious answer is that there are breasts involved, and people just lose their minds when female anatomy comes up in conversation.

Of course then people say “It’s her CHOICE to formula-feed — leave her alone!” But I don’t believe that most women are making this “choice.”  The CDC shows that 3/4 of women are initiating breastfeeding in the hospital, but only 13.6% of women are still exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months.  What this tells me is that somewhere along the way, they gave up on themselves, and the reason I hear most often is, “But, I tried! I just couldn’t make any milk!” 

Here is the cold hard truth ladies:  You have been lied to. 

If only 13.6% of us could make enough milk, the human race would never have survived.  And it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of this system that completely fails mothers and babies, and sabotages a mother’s good intentions.  Somewhere along the line, some one told you that you couldn’t make milk, and you believed them because we’ve all grown up in a culture that tells women their bodies aren’t good enough for much of anything except being toys for men.  Is it easy to make this milk?  No, not always — but neither was bringing that baby into the world and your body did a fine job of that.  Think about that.  Think hard. Your body created an entire human being inside from nothing more than the joining of two single cells.  Your body is a miracle worker. So what leads you to believe that, after creating a whole person with organs and tissue and a beating heart, that your body would call it quits when it came time to feeding this thing?  The major problem here is that someone in your life probably put their own ignorance ahead of the short and long term health of you and your baby, and you believed them because women are used to feeling shamed.

At this point, if you are arguing with solid, consistent research, you are on the wrong side of the issue.  Your anger over these breastfeeding studies is completely misdirected and juvenile.  Get mad that we have no paid leave to help support the breastfeeding relationship.  Get mad that moms aren’t being given free breastpumps, lactation consultants, and healthier food.  Get mad at a system that puts Girls Gone Wild tits on the cover of every magazine, but bans breastfeeding pictures on Facebook.  These are the issues that need our attention as mothers, or as feminists, or simply as women with brains.  But perpetuating the myth that women are incapable of utilizing their own biological functions won’t get you any respect from me.  I believe women are capable. Give them the tools.  Give them the time.  Give them the respect they need.  Women are creators and sustainors of LIFE, and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about saying so.

End. Of. Story.

Billy's new addiction

So, now that we're proper homebodies, we spend our Friday nights catching up on the week's American Idol show.  I almost had to bend billy's arm backward to get him to watch the show, although I will admit, I haven't watched it since the first season, but he's sooooo into it right now.  He'll sometimes get vociferously upset at what Simon or Randy are saying (he's got a crush on Ellen, so he doesn't ever get upset about what she says) and he'll give his own comments during and directly after a performance.  We've really enjoyed watching this season because there are some great, organic, different performers than what's been the norm.  I mean, Crystal Bowersox is amazing. 

Anyhow, tonight was the Lennon-McCartney night and Simon has been particularly nice about the people's performance.  After Casey James's gorgeous rendition of "Jealous Guy,"  and after he received his feedback from Simon, Bill turns to me and says:

"God.  What's Simon taking?  Ecstasy?" 

I love my American-Idol-loving boyfriend.

Lower Back Pain Hell

I'm a petite girl; at my best in the morning I'm a solid 5'3" and hover between 120-125 lbs.  I don't carry around a lot of weight (especially not since I got my boobs reduced) and have never had lower back problems.  In all of the pregnancy books I've been reading, they make it seem like you should EXPECT lower back pain.  So, I wasn't that shocked when, by week 13 or 14 I started getting these horrible pains in my pelvis and sacrum (butt bone area).  It would hurt when I sit and getting up from a seated position was absolutely awful.  This past weekend, my brother, who was visiting from Florida with his girlfriend, would remark (make fun of is more accurate) about my lopsided, straight-armed, grimaced gait.  I felt like I was 80 years old.  I mean, it's seriously so bad that when I lay down in Shavasana (corpse pose...like the easiest pose of all) at the end of my oh-so-strenuous prenatal yoga class, I can barely breathe it hurts so badly.

 I don't smile during prenatal yoga.  I'm in pain. 

I told my midwife about the problem and she automatically called and made me an appointment that day for a physical therapist.  Physical therapists are great.  One of Billy's friends is studying to be one and the training is rigorous, but I just wasn't impressed when I saw my physical therapist.  They focus primarily on retraining your muscles (neuromuscular training) to allow you better freedom of movement and health.  The PT I went to was really lacking in the bedside manner department.  She barely made any eye contact with me and conversed with the PT student pretty much the whole time.  I felt like she didn't have any idea what to do with a woman with my delicate condition and just started spouting off a whole laundry list of what could be done in the "lower back pain" situation.  Furthermore, during the evaluation, she asked me to bend over and then, as I effortlessly touched beyond my toes, had the gall to tell me that I was TOO flexible and that's why I had back problems.  I thought, LADY, I have back problems because I'm GESTATING a 1lb human being inside of my relatively small pelvis!  I was furious.  So, I left with a list of exercises to do at home and didn't call back for a second appointment.  I bought an exercise ball to use at work and honestly, that's provided more relief than those exercises.

Sometimes I have to be very careful with it because I'll cross my right leg over my left and if I lift my hands from the desk or keyboard, I quickly fall over.

So, after doing some digging, I found a chiropractic practice that focuses primarily on pregnant women and children.  I read lots of really great reviews about them and really liked their emphasis on holistic healing.  Chiropractors are viewed by many as quacks.  I'll admit: I was one of them.  However, I will say that if you're in pain there's not much that you won't try doing to get rid of it.  I did a quick PubMed search for any articles published about chiropractic stuff and pregnancy.  The data, although scarce, show that spinal manipulation was safe and effective for lower back pain in most of the groups studied.  So, I met with a chiropractor (Dr. Rebecca Lake, who, incidentally, had lived in Colombia) and she was awesome.  She gave me an hour of her time and did an extensive workup on me.  She had me do all these things and said that my pelvis was a bit off center, which, in turn, pulled on the nerves on the left side of my spine and caused me to have lower back and sacral pain.  

I went into my first adjustment hobbling and came out walking!  It's only been 2 days, but already I feel the tightness and pain creeping back in.  I go in again tomorrow to get adjusted and can't wait!  This is definitely going to become my crutch (like my monster pillow, which, by the way, I'm definitely going to be taking to Denmark with me, regardless of what I have to pay for an extra bag).  I'm not sure how I'm going to make it a whole month full of transcontinental travel and sleeping in god knows what kinds of beds...

Reconnecting with an old friend

Facebook is a funny thing.  Probably spend more time on it than I should, but it's fantastic to be able to see how people I used to know when I was 13 are doing.  I love looking through people's pictures and seeing how much they've changed throughout the years.  So, one day, I decided to post a comment about how Billy and I are excited that we are going to have a kid since LOST is going off the air and we were really wondering what was going to take up a big chunk of our time like LOST has (btw, I totally lose sleep at night about the fact that LOST is going to go off the air.)  I received a gazillion messages after I posted that from people who had no idea I was pregnant.  I forget that the FB universe is something else entirely and that people on facebook don't just KNOW that I'm pregnant just by looking at how fat I'm getting in my pictures.

So, one of these people wrote me a sweet little message.  It was shocking because we hadn't talked in a while, but I was so happy to hear from her.  She has just had her baby (5 months ago) and we started sharing our experiences from our pregnancies.  She cracks me up and every time I read her messages, I end up literally laughing out loud to myself.  With her permission, I have posted some excerpts of our conversation below:

Regarding the dreaded weight gain:
how much have you gained so far? i gained 50 pounds total. i was huge! and i had a pretty hard time with the weight gain. i mean, you know you have to gain weight for the baby, but it's still hard to see the numbers on the scale go up and up and up. have you had to switch to maternity pants yet? that was another bummer. pregnancy clothes are expensive and not very cute.

Regarding keeping the sex a secret:
have people been guessing? do you have a feeling? have people said that you're carrying high or low yet? i think it's all horseshit. i had people telling me that i was carrying high one day and the next someone would tell me that i was carrying low. there is something about the heartbeat too, but i don't know how that one works. has anyone done the needle and thread over your wrist. that's the first thing my grandma did to me.

Regarding weight loss after birth:
within a week, i had lost 30 pounds. now i have this flabby hanging pouch of skin. it's really sexy...

Regarding midwives and how awesome they are:
our health care system in canada rocks! i was able to have midwives for no additional fees. and it was the best experience ever. i'm so happy we decided to go that route. i still delivered in hospital. and went home the next day. and they came to our house for the first 5 appointments. they were wonderful.

Regarding the use of an epidural:
what kind of birth plan do you have? are you opposed to an epidural? i was never opposed to it, but i wanted to try to do it without. no such luck. i was induced b/c i was 11 days past and went to hospital at 8 a.m., they broke my water at 9:30 and the contractions were immediate. at first, it was no big deal. i was like 'this is easy...i can do this'. then they became intense. we tried a lot of different things to ease the pain. sitting on a ball, the toilet, leaning on my husband (like a slow dance), squatting, jet bath, nothing worked and i couldn't relax my body. i ended up making it until 6 p.m. when i was 4 cm dilated and had the epidural. it was great. at first. i got the shakes like crazy and then i started vomiting. and i was sick up until i delivered her.

Regarding her daughter's birth:
i would have a contraction, and throw up. by 10 p.m., i was fully dilated, but i didn't have the pressure to start pushing so i just rested (and puked) until it came an hour later. pushing started at 11 and it was the same thing. push, puke, push, puke. it was terrible. after pushing for an hour and a half, my midwives were getting worried about me b/c of all the vomiting and suggested that we use the vacuum. i wanted to try some more before we intervened so, i continued to push and puke. anyways....baby started to crown and they asked if i wanted to touch her head. i said no for some reason and my husband was like 'you need to see this....touch her head. it's right there' so i did and it was the push i needed. that moment was incredible. after being able to FEEL her, i was terrified that she was going to go back inside (lol), and i pushed and pushed and she was delivered at 1:26 a.m.!

Regarding some private business:
i tore. basically from one end to the other :( it hurt like nobody's business. she is 4.5 months old now and i'm STILL not healed. can you believe that? i have to go see a gyno on april 1st, b/c i have star tissue that has developed where my stitches were. no fun!

Regarding maternity thong underpants:
damn! i still hardly ever wear a thong. you're good! i should have tried the maternity thongs, but i'm too cheap. i know exactly what you're talking about how the thongs ride up the front. it started happening to me ALL. THE. TIME. i was constantly picking them out of my ass and crotch. so i gave up and i haven't really gone back. haha!

Regarding stretch marks:
i'm going to take you up on that offer for cheap cosmetic surgery! i'm so going to need it. not only do i have the poouch, but i'm COVERED in stretch marks. i was doing great. rubbing belly cream all over my boobs, tummy, hips and thighs twice a day and i STILL got them. they didn't show up until the end. like around month 8 and seemed to get worse every single day. they're disgusting. My husband said i look like a tiger. or that i got attacked by one.

Regarding breakouts and pregnancy:
breakouts and pregnancy! holy shit! they must go hand in hand. not only did i look like i was going through puberty on my face, i had them on my neck, my back AND my ass. it cleared up towards the middle/end of pregnancy, but now it's back. it's not as bad as it was when i was pregnant, but it's still bad. and i laughed out loud a little when you said you had to cut bangs to cover up your acne.

Regarding the pregnancy glow:
all that nonsense about a pregnancy glow is horseshit...it's makeup!

Regarding constipation:
have you suffered from constipation at all? i had it really bad. and i finally made peace with shitting at work, and even plugged the toilet! LOL.

Regarding hemorrhoids:
. hemorrhoids. you'll probably get them. i didn't get them until delivery, but i've heard of alot of people getting them throughout their pregnancies

Baby Shower-Get-Together Type Thing

Billy's friends wanted to show their love for us and Little Nacho by throwing us a baby shower.  This wasn't meant to be one of those formal baby showers (which I like going to and would like to have); instead, it was just meant to be a gathering of people eating and having a good time.  Another way this shower differed from regular showers is that there was drinking involved.  Having alcohol at a place where more than 3 people are getting together is always a good idea.

Not what our shower-get-together was like.

We had a really good time and I was lucky enough to have Sergio, John, and Katie come join us.  

There was a lot of talking and plenty of dancing  (to Ludacris's "hit" song "How Low"). 

Here are a few of the great gifts we've received from that night:

Tony "The Fireman" Harris gave us a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black.  When he gave it to Billy, he said "With babies comes age, with age comes wisdom, with wisdom comes Scotch...Here you go.  You're gonna need it.  Not for you, for the baby."  

Casey Londer gave us this fine bottle of wine that we're supposed to save for the first drink after Nacho's born.  Casey got matched for an Emergency Medicine residency in Minneapolis :(  We're very happy for him but are sad that he's not going to be able to witness the birth and cut the cord :)

Tony Newman gave us Nacho's first Wolf Exercise Ball!  We're going to have the fittest baby in town.  Thanks, Tony, for caring about Little Nacho's health!

Unisex diaper bags are becoming more popular now and we found one that Billy could proudly wear.  It's made from recycled plastic bottles and comes with a container for baby wipes and a changing mat.  This was generously given to us by Lisa Mitchell (mastermind of the shower-get-together), Danny Josephson (host of the shower-get-together), and Anji Nilsson.  Thanks so much, you guys!

Ty and Kellie Nilsson gave us a baby starter kit!  They got us little beanie caps, receiving blankets (Billy had no clue what receiving blankets were), cute little onesies, and toys that dangle from the car seat or stroller.  

They also got us a medicine kit for the baby that includes one of those booger aspirators and mini fingernail clippers!  Thanks for the really cute and useful gifts, Ty and Kellie!

This lovely card was given to us by our friends Jack, Heather, and their son Taven.  Taven is a little over a year old and they have indispensable advice about baby-rearing.  We're looking forward on leaning on them for help during the first few months :)

Our friend Jordan Meine gave us a gift card to Barbacoa (YES!!!)  Barbacoa = Chipotle in my book and my stomach has loooooooved Chipotle throughout the entire pregnancy, so we're very happy to have this.  Thanks, Jordan!

Finally, our dear friend Ryan Bird gave us a gift certificate for a one-night stay at the Monaco Hotel in town.  This is gonna be great because 1) I love vacations, 2) I love fancy hotels, and 3) it's so nice to come home when to dogs are at Billy's parents and everything's quiet...that's how it will be at the hotel: no claws on the floor, no crying, no snorting...  Thanks so much, Ryan, for the very thoughtful gift!

We have also received several gifts from people both near and far:

Nacho's godmother Annie and Scarlett's goddaughter Iris (Annie's daughter) sent him this beautiful little outfit (outfit?  what's this thing called?  Pajama?  Jumper?).  Thanks, roomie and goddaughter!

Nacho's other godmother, Jennifer, sent me a little pouch/case that says: "Great.  I get to give birth AND change dirty diapers."  Makes me chuckle.  She also sent little Nacho a cloth book about jungle animals that I'm sure he'll love to gnaw on (we've been keeping it at the top of one of our bookshelves lest the dogs get it.)  Thanks, Jen!

Finally, our very first Nacho gift was this little hooded towel from Billy's mom, Grandma Donna. 

Boob Woes...Again.

As I'm sure everyone knows, I've had a breast reduction.  It was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.  I lived with size 34D breasts for several years at that point and knew that they were only going to get bigger and saggier.  I wanted to have the freedom to not wear a bra again and to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see a tiny little head, arms, and legs and then REALLY BIG BOOBS.  I always tell girls who are self-conscious about their breasts to NOT get implants.  It's not worth carrying around the extra weight, hassle, and awful attention (from both sexes). 

So, while my brother was visiting, Sergio, my other brother, thought it would be a good idea to go to Park City.  I balked at the idea, thinking that there's enough to see in SLC and nothing to see in PC, but John wanted to go.  I consoled myself with the idea that there are great outlets on the way.  As everyone headed over to J.Crew, I surreptitiously slid into the "Motherhood Maternity" store. 

I felt so so so out of place.  It was like walking into the JC Penney women's section..."I'm way way way too young for this," I thought to myself.  And then, "Oh my God, I'm pregnant.  I'm really pregnant!  What's my family going to think?"  Although I get anxiety attacks like these every so often, I just take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm not that teenager anymore who's scared to death every time she touches a boy's peener that she's going to get pregnant and incur the wrath of her entire Hispanic, Catholic family.  I'm a 28 year-old woman who's getting a PhD, for God's sake.  Whew.  I'm so happy I'm out of the "being a pregnant teenager" statistic (although I do happily contribute to the pregnant-and-unmarried statistic).

Everything was all light-colored and department-store-y and the clothes were really overpriced, even though it was an outlet.  I meandered a bit by the dresses (awful fabrics and prints) and made my way to the back where they kept the bras, all neatly ordered by color (nude, white, black) and size.  I looked up at the smaller sizes (yeah right), down the middle at the medium sizes (maybe) and then looked all the way down to the hot-air-balloon-sized bras (no way!).  The lady who worked there came over and pulled out her measuring tape.  I stared wide-eyed in horror as she walked towards me, menacingly, I swear, with her tape pulled out like she was going to strangle me, cut Little Nacho out, and leave me for dead in a box in the back.

She started measuring me around under my boobs and right on top of them, did some quick store-lady boob-measuring calculation, and told me, as if she was telling me what the season's hot colors were, that I was approximately a 36E.  A 36E.  Do you know what a size 36E bra looks like?  It's not pretty.  It's not sexy.  And when you're looking to buy a nursing bra, you're not going to find lace and pretty colors like pink or blue. 

I was a bit depressed after this revelation.  How had  I jumped from a large 34B to a very immense 36E (2 inches extra around my chest and 3 cup sizes larger)?  I now completely understand and empathize with my mother when she would tell me (after I snickered once at her mommy boobies) that her breasts were the way they were because she had 3 kids.  I thought she was just using us as an excuse, but now I totally agree and cannot wait to hold it over Nacho's head when he starts being a jerky teenager.  Unfortunately, I can't even say that Billy likes them better now.  He was always more of an ass man :)