Reconnecting with an old friend

Facebook is a funny thing.  Probably spend more time on it than I should, but it's fantastic to be able to see how people I used to know when I was 13 are doing.  I love looking through people's pictures and seeing how much they've changed throughout the years.  So, one day, I decided to post a comment about how Billy and I are excited that we are going to have a kid since LOST is going off the air and we were really wondering what was going to take up a big chunk of our time like LOST has (btw, I totally lose sleep at night about the fact that LOST is going to go off the air.)  I received a gazillion messages after I posted that from people who had no idea I was pregnant.  I forget that the FB universe is something else entirely and that people on facebook don't just KNOW that I'm pregnant just by looking at how fat I'm getting in my pictures.

So, one of these people wrote me a sweet little message.  It was shocking because we hadn't talked in a while, but I was so happy to hear from her.  She has just had her baby (5 months ago) and we started sharing our experiences from our pregnancies.  She cracks me up and every time I read her messages, I end up literally laughing out loud to myself.  With her permission, I have posted some excerpts of our conversation below:

Regarding the dreaded weight gain:
how much have you gained so far? i gained 50 pounds total. i was huge! and i had a pretty hard time with the weight gain. i mean, you know you have to gain weight for the baby, but it's still hard to see the numbers on the scale go up and up and up. have you had to switch to maternity pants yet? that was another bummer. pregnancy clothes are expensive and not very cute.

Regarding keeping the sex a secret:
have people been guessing? do you have a feeling? have people said that you're carrying high or low yet? i think it's all horseshit. i had people telling me that i was carrying high one day and the next someone would tell me that i was carrying low. there is something about the heartbeat too, but i don't know how that one works. has anyone done the needle and thread over your wrist. that's the first thing my grandma did to me.

Regarding weight loss after birth:
within a week, i had lost 30 pounds. now i have this flabby hanging pouch of skin. it's really sexy...

Regarding midwives and how awesome they are:
our health care system in canada rocks! i was able to have midwives for no additional fees. and it was the best experience ever. i'm so happy we decided to go that route. i still delivered in hospital. and went home the next day. and they came to our house for the first 5 appointments. they were wonderful.

Regarding the use of an epidural:
what kind of birth plan do you have? are you opposed to an epidural? i was never opposed to it, but i wanted to try to do it without. no such luck. i was induced b/c i was 11 days past and went to hospital at 8 a.m., they broke my water at 9:30 and the contractions were immediate. at first, it was no big deal. i was like 'this is easy...i can do this'. then they became intense. we tried a lot of different things to ease the pain. sitting on a ball, the toilet, leaning on my husband (like a slow dance), squatting, jet bath, nothing worked and i couldn't relax my body. i ended up making it until 6 p.m. when i was 4 cm dilated and had the epidural. it was great. at first. i got the shakes like crazy and then i started vomiting. and i was sick up until i delivered her.

Regarding her daughter's birth:
i would have a contraction, and throw up. by 10 p.m., i was fully dilated, but i didn't have the pressure to start pushing so i just rested (and puked) until it came an hour later. pushing started at 11 and it was the same thing. push, puke, push, puke. it was terrible. after pushing for an hour and a half, my midwives were getting worried about me b/c of all the vomiting and suggested that we use the vacuum. i wanted to try some more before we intervened so, i continued to push and puke. anyways....baby started to crown and they asked if i wanted to touch her head. i said no for some reason and my husband was like 'you need to see this....touch her head. it's right there' so i did and it was the push i needed. that moment was incredible. after being able to FEEL her, i was terrified that she was going to go back inside (lol), and i pushed and pushed and she was delivered at 1:26 a.m.!

Regarding some private business:
i tore. basically from one end to the other :( it hurt like nobody's business. she is 4.5 months old now and i'm STILL not healed. can you believe that? i have to go see a gyno on april 1st, b/c i have star tissue that has developed where my stitches were. no fun!

Regarding maternity thong underpants:
damn! i still hardly ever wear a thong. you're good! i should have tried the maternity thongs, but i'm too cheap. i know exactly what you're talking about how the thongs ride up the front. it started happening to me ALL. THE. TIME. i was constantly picking them out of my ass and crotch. so i gave up and i haven't really gone back. haha!

Regarding stretch marks:
i'm going to take you up on that offer for cheap cosmetic surgery! i'm so going to need it. not only do i have the poouch, but i'm COVERED in stretch marks. i was doing great. rubbing belly cream all over my boobs, tummy, hips and thighs twice a day and i STILL got them. they didn't show up until the end. like around month 8 and seemed to get worse every single day. they're disgusting. My husband said i look like a tiger. or that i got attacked by one.

Regarding breakouts and pregnancy:
breakouts and pregnancy! holy shit! they must go hand in hand. not only did i look like i was going through puberty on my face, i had them on my neck, my back AND my ass. it cleared up towards the middle/end of pregnancy, but now it's back. it's not as bad as it was when i was pregnant, but it's still bad. and i laughed out loud a little when you said you had to cut bangs to cover up your acne.

Regarding the pregnancy glow:
all that nonsense about a pregnancy glow is horseshit...it's makeup!

Regarding constipation:
have you suffered from constipation at all? i had it really bad. and i finally made peace with shitting at work, and even plugged the toilet! LOL.

Regarding hemorrhoids:
. hemorrhoids. you'll probably get them. i didn't get them until delivery, but i've heard of alot of people getting them throughout their pregnancies