"Is he a good baby? Is he sleeping through the night?"

I can't even begin to tell you how many people ask me that question.  And every time, I puff my chest out (defensively, not proudly) and say, "No, he wakes up every 2-3 hours at night to eat."  Their faces then fall into the God-that's-horrible-I-feel-so-sorry-for you.  Depending on my mood, I either feel sorry for myself, too, or I stand taller and say, "Well, his stomach is smaller than my fist.  And since he's only eating breastmilk at night, he's going to get hungry."  There.

The thing is, I used to be that person.  We, as a society, are so accustomed to judging how "good" a baby is by whether or not they cry and whether or not they sleep through the night.  Even my mother says how I was such a bad baby because I cried a lot and didn't sleep through the night until I was way into kindergarten.  My brother, however, as my mother loves to point out, was a "good" baby.  He ate well, slept well, etc.  My whole life, my mother and brother have made sure that I knew that he was always the better baby (and therefore the better child).  I truly believe that my mom holds some resentment towards me left over from the difficulties she had with me as a baby.

So why do we as a society place so much emphasis on "good" babies and sleeping through the night?
I think it has a little bit to do with the American society.  The United States was founded on principles of freedom, individuality, and independence.  It is rooted deeply in our culture.  Fostering independence in a child is fantastic: a child can feel able to choose is outfit for the next day, be able to walk the dog around the block, or brush his own teeth.  However, it is imposing our ideas of what independence is on a tiny, little baby that is concerning.  Babies are DEPENDENT on their caregivers.  By expecting them to right away start off sleeping through the night, sleeping alone, not nursing as much, etc we are stressing their little systems and producing an excess of cortisol, a hormone produced when the body is in stress.

 Yeah right..

I mean, I don't even sleep through the night...I wake up to pee, fluff or turn over my pillow, or pull the covers over me from Bill.  Desmond doesn't have the body strength yet to make himself more comfortable.  For 7 months, he's depended on me to make him comfortable...slowly but surely, he'll understand that if he rolls this way or lays his head that way he'll be able to sleep better.  Also, there have been many times when I wake up in the middle of the night thirsty or starving.  I'm able to get up and get water or a snack.  Desmond can't do that.  I also get up in the middle of the night and decide that I want nothing more than to just cuddle with Billy (I usually spoon him) and it feels amazing to have another warm body to snuggle up against.  I hate sleeping alone.  Why should I think that Desmond's needs are any different?  He sleeps the deepest and longest when he's nestled next to me or sleeping in the crook of Billy's arms.  Even when he's at arm's length in the crib, I can still scooch over and pat his butt or hold his little hand.  Why do we expect that babies do things that we as grownups aren't capable of doing ourselves!

That above paragraph is the dialogue that is constantly going through my head to help me keep my impatience and frustration in check.  It's hard when I wake up bleary-eyed every morning to think, this is normal, it's OK, you're OK, everything's going to be alright.  Most nights, I promise myself that this next night is going to be the night that I start sleep training Desmond.  But then I'm gone all day and I can't wait to hold him close to me in bed, just the two of us, and let him take my finger in his chubby hand and squeeze it, let go, squeeze it, let go.

 Desmond's chubby little hand.  Look at the crease around his wrist.  I want to bite it.

Just so you know what our sleeping schedule is like, Des usually wakes up at around 8 am.  He takes ~3 naps per day for 40-50 minutes at each go.  We try to get him to sleep at around 8pm, but sometimes it's 10pm when he falls asleep (ah!  the horror!)  We place him in his crib, but during the night, he sometimes ends up in the crook of Billy's arm.  He wakes up (now that he's eating solids) every 3-4 hours now.

Desmond sleeping with Billy at an apartment in New Orleans.  Look at how he's sleeping with such abandon!

Is this totally normal for a 7-month-old?  What techniques did you use to help you/your baby get some much needed sleep?