Posts
Billy and I used to be those people. We'd turn our noses up at the slobbering kid, we'd shake our heads at the screaming baby at the grocery store, we'd tsk-tsk at the fussy baby at the dining table next to us. "We'll be better parents than that...OUR babies will never be fussy." So we skipped the fussy baby section in the baby books and went along in our twisted version of reality.
And then we had Desmond. And then what we thought we were going to have bestowed upon us by angels:
Actually turned out to be something that looked like this (35% of the time):
This is the face Desmond has started to make when some of his relatives or strangers (to Desmond) hold him. He starts off OK and then, the minute he realizes that the person that's holding him is not his trusted food source (me), he starts wailing. Like the I'm-so-sorry-I'm-really-not-hurting-him type of wailing.
We've tried to expose Desmond to lots of people and situations and he's been doing really well until a few days ago. Maybe it's just the holidays and maybe it's because there are so many new people around and he's constantly being overstimulated. I hope so. I certainly don't want my kid to be a clingy baby. I'd love to be able to hand him off to another person...anyone...who wants to hold him for a while, especially while I eat. This is a serious concern of mine because I am looking to hire a nanny to help me and Billy out with Desmond come January (more of that in another post) and I worry that he won't take to her at all and that she'll quit suddenly - stomping out of my house the second I get home in a huff - because she can't handle my "clingy" child.
It is funny, though, that he tends to be a lot calmer when dark-haired women hold him. I can't say that it's just a coincidence, but he does seem to be at ease when my SIL Melanie or our friend Suzi hold him . Here's a little secret: although it sometimes embarrasses me when some well-meaning person wants to hold Desmond and he sticks out his lower lip, pouts, and then screams bloody murder right in their face, I do like the fact that as soon as I "rescue" him and press him against my body, he calms down. It makes me feel like the only person in the class that got the A on the really difficult exam.
Des happily hanging out with his Aunt Melanie and Cousin Nico.
Anybody have any tips on how to raise an un-clingy baby? Is it nature or nurture? When do kids grow out of it?
i don't think there is anything you can do besides what you're already doing. keep doing your thing and eventually he'll grow out of it. alex went through that too. she would even act strange with my mom. now, she waves and blows kisses at random strangers.
ReplyDeleteScarlett!! I am going through the exact same thing with Ava. We are currently on a little East Coast road trip so she can meet her Dad's side of the family and I feel so bad because NO ONE can hold her unless she is fast asleep. She has been so so needy and practically attached to my breast. I'm blaming the traveling, lack of a schedule, and the over stimulation. But let me tell you, a crying baby who will only settle for my breast is tiring. Let's hope this is just a phase.
ReplyDeleteIris has always been a horrible sleeper, and we tried the whole "let her cry it out" thing when she was about a year old, and in the end, I couldn't do it. One night she cried for 45 minutes. Like Adrienne said, it caused me (and Lee, though I do think in general her crying upsets me more than him) so much distress that it wasn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I ever left Iris with a sitter, she was three months old. Lee was working, and I went for a haircut. I was gone probably an hour and a half at the most. She was literally hoarse from screaming when I got home. It was pretty horrible. But when she was around 6 months old, I started leaving her with a sitter once a week (for about 4 hours), and she'd cry when I left but it wouldn't last longer than about 15 minutes.
It's hard. Really hard. I read a lot about it, and (like everything) there are two camps. Some experts SWEAR it's entirely harmless and even good for your baby. Others SWEAR it causes the baby anxiety and affects your bond longterm. ALL sources say you have to do what feels right for you and your baby.
My feeling was always that when they are that young, babies don't know how to manipulate or act out for attention. If your baby cries, he needs you. and if he's just crying because he needs to be held by you, that's still a NEED in that moment.
As far as nonparents judging, my worst experience so far was a friend's fiancee looking at Iris (who was throwing a tantrum) and asking, "Is she always like this?" I wanted to punch her in the ugly face! I looked her right in the eye and said, "Yes. Yes she is. She's two."