Birth announcements

In this day and age, birth announcements seem rather anachronistic.  Why do we have to announce the birth 3 months after the fact when every detail about the birth itself and the baby are announced over email and facebook?   Nevertheless, it's an opportunity to take some really good pictures of your baby and send them out to everyone without seeming too pushy.

I'm in love with my brother's girlfriend's drawing and handwriting capabilities.  I've mentioned her before, but just to refresh your memory, she draws things like this:

Check out her design blog: Hello! Hello! Design.  She also works as a design person for Kate Spade (I think she does the window designs and stationery). 

I also have a newfound love for and appreciation of letterpress stationery.  I think it's super fancy and classy and now know how much work and artistry is involved in making paper products.  Coincidentally, Billy's sister Kseniya happens to be the owner of a letterpress shop out in Pennsylvania called Thomas Printers.  You should totally take a look around her website.  Letterpressed stationery and such make amazing gifts (just in time for Christmas!)

Anyhow, I had seen a birth announcement on my brother and sister-in-law's fridge and realized that I probably needed to send one out soon.  Kseniya was out visiting us (and meeting Desmond), so I took the opportunity to ask if she knew anyone online who did good birth announcements.  She looked at me and said, "No, not at all."  I shrugged and went back to what I was doing.  After a few minutes of silence, she yelled, "I'm kidding!  I can do them!  I DO print things like that, you know!" (or something to that effect).  It hadn't even occurred to me that Kseniya could print something like that because 1) most announcements I see are ones that are on glossy photo paper and include a pre-set design with your information filled in and a picture of the baby and 2) I don't think of "baby announcements" when I think of letterpress.  Anyhow, Desmond's very sweet Aunt Kseniya offered to print them for us herself.  

This is the picture we used.  I made that little Coccoon thing.  If anybody ever wants to borrow it, I'd gladly lend it out.  Picture taken by the immensely talented Jack Allred.

Here is the invitation "suite" (I think that's a word they throw around when talking about things like this...it may just be "set," now that I think about it).  It's hard to see what the writing says, so click on the picture to magnify it in the new tab.  The front of the envelope has a little Pirate (our pug) saying, "It's a boy!" and the quote on the bottom of the announcement is from Bill Cosby.  The silhouettes are our actual silhouettes (Billy, me, and Desmond...in case anyone couldn't tell :))

So, here's my formal and public THANK YOU to Jack, Kseniya, and Katie for making this beautiful birth announcement possible.  Now, any ideas from anybody on how to store/display them?

Trip to Seattle

Billy and I are in Seattle for 3 days and 2 nights for Billy's interview at University of Washington.  It's been raining and about 50 degrees ever since we got here (who'd have thought) and everything is super green and moist.  I'm surprised that there isn't more moss growing everywhere.

Street near where we're staying.  

In Denmark, we stayed in apartments, which we found surfing www.airbnb.com, the BEST site for looking for homier places to stay when traveling.  We found one place in Northgate (a suburb just north of Seattle) that was only $85/night.  It's the basement apartment of someone's home and has a living room, kitchen, nice bedroom, and a beautiful bathroom WITH HEATED FLOORS.  We're able to buy some food and cook it for breakfast, which is so nice and saves us a bit of money.  The owners live upstairs and are super approachable.  They even let us use their car to go pick up some food and buy some groceries one night.  Anyhow, totally worth a gander if you're looking to travel anywhere and don't really want to stay in a hotel.  

The first place we went is to Serious Pie, home of the "best pizza" in Seattle.  When I was here in June, I tried to go with a few people that were with me for the conference, but it was like an hour wait, so we went to another restaurant instead.  The next night, after I had left, everyone was able to go.  So I've lamented the fact that I've missed out on really great pizza up until yesterday.  

Waiting for our name to be called.

Billy's so "serious"

We met up with Billy's friend from high school, Kevin, and his wife, Catherine, who live in Seattle (and who are now moving to Palo Alto because Kevin, who used to work for Microsoft, just got a job with Facebook). 

Me, Kevin, and Catherine.

After eating at Serious Pie, I took Billy down to Pike Place.  I was excited for Billy to see it.  I love going to city markets, even if they are tourist traps.  I love people watching, listening to random people play musical instruments on the sidewalk, and perusing the stalls filled with really expensive touristy trinkets.  Pike's place also has some really great eating establishments, such as Piroshky Piroshky, a Russian bakery, and Pike Place Chowder, home of the best clam chowder ever.

The inside of the market.

Billy photobombing my picture.

We also went to the EMP/SFM (Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum).  As some of you may be aware, I LIKE science fiction a lot.  I've seen pretty much every Star Trek TNG episode and love books like Dune.  I know, totally dorky.  So, this museum was perfect for me and perfect for Billy, since he's a huge music enthusiast.  Part of the building is devoted to music: they have a Northwestern music timeline that highlights some of the major musical happenings here in Washington in the last century (did you know that Ray Charles got his start here, Quincy Jones used to be a trumpeter with a band that played here, and that Willie Nelson was a local DJ here?); they had a whole Jimi Hendrix exhibit; and a room where you can play with all sorts of instruments and crazy cool high-tech music mixing and making devices.  

Listening to music and watching the cool screen change.  Desmond had just taken a really big poop and Billy had to go to the men's room (which had a changing table!  Yay!  You have no idea how important those are now.  I had to change Desmond once on the floor of a bathroom at a restaurant.  I didn't even want the changing mat touching the floor...) to change him.  His entire really cute outfit had to be changed.  Ha ha ha!  

 Instrument sculpture at the entrance of the music part of the museum.

We got there kind of late, so we weren't able to enjoy the science fiction part as much as we would have liked, but we did get to see the Battlestar Galactica exhibit (too bad I know almost next to nothing about Battlestar Galactica) and the science fiction genre timeline.

 Me doing my "boldly go" stance.  I'm finally wearing some pre-pregnancy clothes.  Can't you tell (that I shouldn't be wearing them yet)?

The museum is literally right next to the Space Needle.  Although we didn't go all the way to the top ($18 freaking dollars per adult), we got to take a picture of it coming out of our heads.

Lessons learned about traveling with an infant:

• Always pack an extra set of clothes.  Diaper blowouts can happen at ANY time.  And probably the most inopportune time.
• Don't go on all day sight-seeing marathons.  Desmond loves to be worn; however, hanging out in a baby bjorn all day is probably not the greatest feeling.  I'm sure his legs and hips get a bit sore after a while.  Furthermore, we completely disregarded the fact that human beings rest best when lying down and took for granted that Desmond takes naps while being worn a lot of the time.  After a while, Des was skipping his naptimes and just fussing.  He wanted to lie down.  (FYI, his nap times are usually at 11am, 3pm, and 7pm.  He usually goes to bed at around 11pm and wakes up at 830 or 9.  And no, he's not sleeping through the night, either.  He's an infant with a stomach the size of...something small.  He gets hungry about every 3-4 hours).  
• When sightseeing outside in cold weather while wearing your baby, do not put him in too many layers.  We made that mistake and Desmond was miserably hot.  Poor little guy was sweating so bad that we took off his jacket, hat, and leg warmers.  We put him in the baby bjorn in just his pants and his basic white onesie and Billy zipped his jacket up over Desmond.  We put the hat his Aunt Melanie made for him and he was as happy as can be.  Don't underestimate the power of body heat.
• When baby starts getting fussy and you think he may be tired, instead of heading home, try taking him out of the carrier and facing him towards you.  He may be overstimulated and may just want to block everything out and sleep.  It's worked a few times with Desmond.

*Christy, thanks for the bjorn!  Billy loves wearing it!

I'm not a natural mother

There are so many women out there who embrace pregnancy wholeheartedly: their burgeoning shape, the morning sickness, the extra hair, the lack of comfortable sleep, etc.

I was not that woman.

I spent the last 7 or so years not wanting any children for myself. I enjoyed my life and the liberty I had to do whatever I wanted on a moment's notice; having a child would stop that lifestyle dead in its tracks. I viewed children as needy little parasites filled with snot and drool and poop. Once I met Billy, however, the need to create a life with him was overwhelming and the more we talked about it, the more I fell in love with the idea. However, I didn't think much about what life would be like with a child. I knew that having a child would cause some disruption in my life, but I never fully realized how it would affect my education, my relationship with Billy, and my relationship with friends and family members. I had thought that once I became pregnant, once I saw my belly grow, once I held Desmond, I'd be transformed into one of those glowing women who embody motherhood and who naturally harbor that maternal instinct. I thought it'd be so easy...it seemed so easy.

The first month and a half of life with Desmond was really, really hard. I was not as prepared as I thought I was to give myself completely to this little being. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I worked really hard to educate myself on every aspect of my pregnancy and the birth. I researched different parenting styles and chose one that would augment the bonding experience with my baby by wearing him, having skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, etc. I would never let myself even think that I may not have that automatic maternal instinct and bonding with my newborn that other women have when they first meet their child.

During my pregnancy, I always felt a sort of disconnect with Desmond, or little Nacho as we used to refer to him. I would go to prenatal yoga classes, where we would tune into our little fetuses and send love and energy to them. I would rub my belly, whispering I love you, I love you, I love you over and over. I would imagine what Nacho looked like floating within me, happy as can be. But deep down inside of me, I sometimes resented being pregnant. I can't communicate well enough how much I love sleep and from about 6 months until I gave birth, I didn't have one decent night of sleep. And I hated that. You have no idea how guilty I feel now after having Desmond and having fallen in love with him. I felt guilty at the time as well because I was working with women who suffered from infertility and who spent thousands of dollars to have the chance to go through a pregnancy like I was.

For several weeks after the birth, I struggled with this newfound sense of responsibility, the lack of sleep, the soreness from the birth, the stupid pads they give you for the postpartum bleeding, and breastfeeding. There were times, in between naps and feeding sessions, when my mom would hand him to me and I felt as if he wasn't mine, as if he was my mother's son and I was just helping her babysit. I could see the love and warmth flow out of my mother to Desmond in the way she held him and talked to him and wanted to be with him. I didn't have that and it crushed me. The fact that I felt, at times, resentful of him broke my heart. I felt like a failure as a mother and as a woman.

After my mother left, I knew I needed to step it up and face reality: that I wasn't this baby's babysitter. I was his mother: the only thing that he knew and wanted and needed. I took control of breastfeeding by meeting with a lactation consultant, I read and reached out to the community of mothers that surrounded me here in SLC and online, and I was finally able to admit my feelings to Billy. It was then that I started the process of forgiveness (for myself) and acceptance (of Desmond). I started to slowly love Desmond more and more. It didn't all come at once, not at all. Just like you don't fall in love with a partner all at once, it takes time to get to know each other - to have a few "dates" -  in order to fall in love. That's how my relationship with Desmond has evolved and I think it has cemented my commitment to him and my adoration for him.

It's been 3.5 months since I gave birth and I could truly say that Desmond and I are in this relationship in full force. I am a mother now...maybe not as good as others out there or as cheerful about my status as one, but I love him completely and unconditionally. I can still imagine what my life would be like without him, but I don't want to. I'm writing this post partly because I promised myself that I would be completely honest when writing this blog and partly because there may be other new moms or mothers-to-be who may be feeling these same exact feelings and thinking that they're the only ones feeling this way or feeling embarrassed or guilty about their feelings.

I remember reading something in the WAB or Mothering magazine that made me realize that I'm not the only mother out there who didn't wake up refreshed, who enjoyed every breastfeeding session, who lovingly made and ironed each baby clothing item, and who automatically wanted more children after having their first; in other words, women born to be mothers. The quote went something like this:

I looked down at my son as I was changing him. I said out loud to him, "I would do anything in this world for you...I would give my life for you...but I do not love you."

I had finally found a woman's account that mirrored my own and I felt, for the first time, that I wasn't alone. The woman was asked 3 years later if she still felt the same way and she responded that she didn't even want to imagine what her life would be like without her son.  I felt comforted reading about women who suffered from some form of the "blues" or insecurities after giving birth, even women who had spend the thousands of dollars on fertility treatments sometimes felt that way.  I realized that just because I was a woman didn't mean that childrearing would come naturally to me.  I have to work hard every single day at being the best mother I can be to my son. 

I love Desmond more than anything.  I wouldn't trade him for the world.  I don't even want my old life back now.  I do wish raising a child was easier, but then I guess it makes it that much more worth it when, 30 or so years from now, he, as a father to his own children, could tell me how much he appreciates me as a mother.  As for right now, I'll take all the smiles and chuckles and nestles and spitups I can get to push me to be the best mom for Desmond that I can be. 

The sweetest sound in the entire world

Ok, you guys.  This is what I've been waiting for and dreaming of.  My sweet little Desmond finally laughed.  Not just an intake of breath or a coo, but a real giggle.  Holy shit did that send off TONS of endorphins.  I've never felt such a rush of love and excitement (sorry, Billy, but it's true).  It's seriously the best feeling in the world.  Now if I can only get him to laugh like that when he pees and poos all over us and our stuff, life would be good.

Open Letter to Desmond: 3 Months

Dear Desmond:

I can't believe we've made it this far!  It's been a bumpy ride, but I've loved every single second of it (in retrospect, at least).  You weigh about 10 lbs now and are about 24 inches long.  Your hair is getting fuzzier on the top, which is good, since it was pretty scarce to begin with.  Your face is filling out and your thighs are getting chunkier, which is good since I've been feeding you approximately every 1.5-2 hours.  Your eyes are starting to turn brown.  I wonder if they're going to be dark brown like mine or light brown like my mother's.  They're definitely not going to be blue like your dad's.

You're starting to become more interactive.  Whenever your dad is holding you, you look around the room for me.  You always want to know where I am and I swear your head rotates almost 180 degrees.  The other morning, I fell asleep breastfeeding you and your dad told me that you spent 5 whole minutes looking up at me while I slept.  It made me fall in love with you that much more.  It makes me think that you're starting to love me a bit more and more each day.

You still come to school with me sometimes and you're such a good baby when you do.  You're very quiet and you either stare intently at what's going on or you fall asleep.

You are doing such a great job holding your head up while you're on your stomach.  You can also stand for a few minutes at a time if I hold your hands.  You always get this look of extreme concentration and satisfaction when you stand up.  You love your playmat and are now able to grab at the toys.  It's so funny how a seemingly insignificant action (grabbing) can become the highlight of my day and make me seriously think that I have the smartest baby in the entire world.

You are starting to put your fists in your mouth constantly.  I guess it's pretty easy to fit your fist in your mouth if you don't have any teeth.  You're drooling a little bit more and making tons of spit bubbles.  You talk back to me a lot and will wait for me to finish what I'm saying before you start babbling.  It's adorable.  You're adorable.  Everything you do is adorable.  Even peeing on my side of the bed and pooping up and out of your diapers (which is understandable, since as of tonight, the longest you've gone without pooping is 7 days).  

I'm starting to talk to you more in Spanish so that you are able to understand the cadence and rhythms of the language.  I'm trying to get your dad to join in but he's hesitant to do so, says that his Spanish isn't that good, but I think it's just fine.

Billy's letter of apology to me

Have someone you need to apologize to?  Do you need to send someone a happy birthday message?  Do you love madlibs?  Then go to www.bureauofcommunication.com and send someone you love a heartfelt message.

Halloween

As we were going to our friend Ryan Bird's house tonight for the 2nd Annual Grown-up's Halloween Party, Billy and I commented on how great it was to get out of the house and do something besides sit on our comfy couch at home staring at our computer screens the entire night.  It's very important to us to keep ourselves interested in each other and sometimes, it seems that our days are so taxing that all we could do is veg out on the couch and spend the whole night engrossed in Google Reader (me) and It's Always Sunny and The Daily Show (him).  But when we do go out, even if it's just for a walk around downtown Salt Lake after dinner at Ekamai, we always remark about how we should do this more often.

Anyhow, we were very excited to showcase our costumes.  Last year, Billy and I went as Billy and Gloria from White Men Can't Jump.  Remember that movie from the 90s?  I wore a tacky black and turquoise ruffled skirt and a matching shirt with some leggings and sneakers.  Billy wore a random white shirt, some washed out surfer shorts, those reebok pumps shoes where you pumped the little basketball thing on the tongue of the sneaker, and a backwards hat.  Unfortunately, we don't have pictures from that night, but this is what we were supposed to look like:

This year, we were more focused on what Desmond would wear than on what we would wear, so when it was time to pick out something to wear this weekend, we had to look to our closets for some inspiration.  Desmond already had 3 ready-to-go Halloween outfits: pumpkin (his grandma Donna gave him that), Bear (his uncle Jack and aunt Lauren gave him that), and sushi (we bought him that).

Desmond's in his pumpkin costume.  Picture was taken in Rockford, IL and includes all the members of the Thomas family, plus me.  

 This is Des's bear costume.  We were on our way to the Rally to Restore Sanity here in SLC.

Let me take a sec to explain the outfit: The onesie contains a felt cutout of a piece of shrimp tail.  The band around his waist is supposed to be seaweed.  On his head are the wasabi and ginger on the plastic green leaf thing.  He's also wearing some kick-ass legwarmers (not just for girls anymore) and grey socks.  Adorable, eh?

As far as the grownups are concerned, I knew that what I had most in my closet was black.  Lots and lots of black.  As I tried to think of people to be, I remembered how much I thought my hair looked like Trinity's from The Matrix when Kelli (my hairdresser) wet it down and combed it straight in order to cut it.  

I mentioned the idea to Billy and we decided to go with it.  Billy bought some black pants from Smith's (pants that still had the magnetic anti-stealing device attached to it), black hairspray dye stuff, and some guns that we had spraypainted black.  I just threw on a black tank top, black jeggings, and black boots. 

Billy with black spraypainted hair and black-filled-in eyebrows.  Billy's eyebrows are so light that it looks like he doesn't have any.  On the backs of our necks, we drew the hole where they could get plugged into the Matrix.  The whole costume looks so much better with our sunglasses on, but walking around a foreign house at night with glasses on carrying a big bowl full of sangria and a baby is not the wisest thing to do.

This cute little boy is Taven.  He is our friends Jack and Heather's kid.  He really didn't want to take the picture with me.  By the way, he was supposed to be a candlestick.  Cute, eh?

The Matrix: Postpartum.  OK, so I think we make a pretty good Neo and Trinity if you could overlook the fact that Billy looks more like Matt Damon than Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss (Trinity) has a more kick-ass body than I do.